Coffee Break
by only-looking
Summary: Two former teenage heroines take a break from saving the world to have coffee, and to talk about their lives, and poke a little gentle fun at the Buffyverse. Eventually, a friend pops in to offer some unsolicited help. Rated T for a little bit of salty language and mentions of *gasp* sex. Implied Kigo.
1. Finding something in common

Two former teenage heroines take a break from saving the world to have coffee, and to talk about their lives, and poke a little gentle fun at the Buffyverse. Eventually, a friend pops in to offer some unsolicited help.

Rated T for a little bit of salty language and mentions of *gasp* sex. Implied Kigo.

It occurred to me that there are very few Kim Possible/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossovers. Something needed to be done about that, so I did this.

Why yes, Kim and Buffy *are* acting a little OOC, aren't they? On the other hand, they're acting kinda like real people might.

Takes place between BtVS Season 6 and 7, and post-series for KP. Spoilers for pretty much everything.

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**Finding something in common**

"So, you fight vampires and demons and stuff?", Kim asked, sipping her mocha. They were sitting in the Espresso Pump, having a conversation about how weird their lives were.

"Yup, the Slayer, that's me. The one girl in all the world who can fight the forces of darkness and blah blah blah. Called when I was in high school, had to burn down the school gym to stop a vampire attack, been living on a Hellmouth, doing the slayage and stopping apocalypses ever since. Nice life for a teenager, huh?", her new friend said, a little bitterly.

"I've been saving the world since I was in high school, too.", Kim said excitedly. Finally. Here was someone who could understand. "It's great. I stop supervillains, foil evil plans for world domination, get cats out of trees. Whatever needs to be done. I can do anything!", Kim said, with a little flush of pride.

Hey, Buffy'd saved the world a lot. It said so on her tombstone. "Yeah, sure. It's not really that great. Do you know how much time it takes, patrolling every night? And all that training. Giles is always 'Buffy, you must be prepared. You don't know what dangers you may face' in that tweedy voice and cleaning his glasses. Maybe sometimes I just want to go to the Bronze with my friends, you know? Maybe meet a cute guy who won't turn out to be a jerk or a vampire, maybe go to the prom without having to deal with any wild dog attacks. Is that too much to ask? I just wanted to be a cheerleader."

More common ground! "Me too! I was the captain of the cheerleading team. That's what helped me be so good at the worldsaving. I was in such good shape from cheerleading. That, and the 14 forms of martial arts."

"And you had time for it? I had to give up that and any other kind of a social or personal life. Hard to do when you have to run off and stop demon attacks all the time."

"Oh, it's easy. Wade sets me up with a ride, I can be there in a couple of minutes. I'd get the class notes and assignments when I got back. And really, no big. You just need a positive outlook. Anything's possible for a Possible!"

God, I would hate this chick, if she wasn't so damn earnest, Buffy thought. Did they even still make them so innocent and idealistic? Why was she so cheerful? And what kind of school did she go to that she could just run off in the middle of class like that? What kind of excuse did she use? Buffy had run out of minor relatives in junior year.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't really a lot of fun for me, you know. Like for instance, at graduation? The mayor totally turned into this giant snake-demony-thing and started eating people. We had to get him to chase me and blow up the school to kill him." There. Top *that*, Little Miss I-can-do-anything.

"Oh! At my graduation? Aliens came back for revenge and started destroying the whole city. Ron and I had to team up with our arch-enemies and stop them. They were like 10 feet tall, and really strong. The aliens, I mean, not our arch-enemies. Luckily, one of our enemies - a mad scientist - had recently turned himself into some kind of weird flower-plant person, and used his tendrils to tie them up. Although that didn't really work, so we had to go up to their spaceship and get inside and blow it up. Actually, it was a bit more complicated than that, but I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything. So not the drama."

Dammit! Buffy was starting to get seriously annoyed. What was the point of one-upsmanship if she was going to keep getting one-upped every time? Time to start talking about the really strange things in her life.

"I got turned invisible, this one time. It, ah, caused a lot of problems."

"I was molecularly bonded to my worst enemy on the cheerleading team. The biggest bitch in school, too."

"I could hear everybody's thoughts for a while. *That* was unpleasant. Trust me, you do *not* want to hear that your mother thinks your Watcher is like a stevedore in bed. And then, when you find out what a stevedore is, it just gets worse."

"Eww, so the drama. I got brain-switched with my best friend. And he's a guy. *That* was awkweird. Especially when I had to watch myself, err, him, trying to do the cheer routine at the regionals." Kim blushed a little at the memories of those few days. Boy, hadn't that first morning been difficult? Kim had heard about "morning wood" before, but she hadn't ever expected to encounter it so up close and personal. She blushed harder thinking about what she had had to do to make it go away so she could pee.

"Been there, done that." Finally, something Buffy could win. "Except it was with my biggest enemy, who took over my life and slept with my boyfriend and tried to have me sent off to some secret prison where they were going to lock me up forever, or just kill me. Plus, she used my toothbrush. I mean, yuck. And all the time, I was stuck in her skanky body with those big boobs and those puffy lips and sexy eyes and that husky, sultry voice that can make shivers go up your spine when she starts suggesting dirty things."

Huh. Sounded an awful lot like Shego. Had Shego ever snuck into Kim's house and used her toothbrush? Eww. Kim wondered what it would be like to be brain-switched with Shego. A lot more fun than being switched with Ron, she knew that.

"Okay, you win that one."

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Did you like this? Hate it? Why not leave me a review and let me know?**  
**

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**Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything Kim Possible or Buffy the Vampire Slayer related. You should know this.


	2. Family - you gotta love 'em

**Family - you gotta love 'em**

"So, do you have family?" Buffy asked.

"My mom's a brain surgeon, and my dad's a rocket scientist. I have some really annoying twin little brothers, Jim and Tim, who build rockets in the house. And an Uncle Slim, who makes robot horses. He lives on a ranch in Montana with my cousin Joss, who kind of worships me a little. Oh, and my Nana. She trained with Shaolin monks and graduated from the Navy's Underwater Demolition Training Program."

Back to hating her again. Would it be too much for Buffy to have someone worship her? But the poor kid. Who needed to suffer through a family naming convention? "My dad bailed on us a while ago. My mom died last year. Now it's just me and my magically created little sister. She's really annoying, too. Christ, what a brat."

"Magically created?" Was that weirder than a synthrodrone, or not? Kim wasn't sure.

"Green ball of energy, key that can open dimensions, friggin' monks made it into my sister a couple years ago and implanted 14 years worth of memories into everybody so I could keep it safe. A hellgoddess wanted to find her and use her blood to open the walls between the dimensions so she could go home. You'd think they would have put it in the middle of an asteroid in outer space or something, but whatever. Oh, and she's a total klepto. And that whiny screech she has in her voice when she's about to go off and do something incredibly stupid? Right up the spine."

Okay, definitely weirder than a synthodrone, Kim thought.

"Wow. And I thought the tweebs were bad. Still, family, right? Gotta love them."

"Yeah, you do. At least she's starting to grow up a little. I think. She hasn't done anything too stupid this week, anyway."

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**A/N:**

Please don't think this is Dawn-bashing. I love the bit. But she was 14, and acted like a real 14-year-old. A kind of annoying one. I liked her a lot more once she started growing up, though.

Sorry this is so short. You can leave a review to complain, if you'd like...

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything Kim Possible or Buffy the Vampire Slayer related. You should know this.


	3. How to deal with a nemesis

**How to deal with a nemesis**

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Here's where the implied (or not so implied) Kigo starts. Turn back now if you don't like that sort of thing.

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"So you must have picked up a lot of enemies, being the Slayer."

"Well, mostly I just slay them, so they don't usually come back. Usually. I do sort of have a nemesis, though, although he seems to think he's something more. We fight all the time, with a lot of belligerent sexual tension."

"Uh huh, me too. We fight a lot - she's as good as I am - and she's always calling me by these pet names. 'Princess', 'Pumpkin', like that. There's a lot of subtext. If we weren't fighting, I'd swear she was flirting with me. Sometimes I half-expect her to kiss me." Kim blushed a little.

"Oh yeah. Spike and I started off bitter enemies, him being a vampire and all, but I was in a bad space and he's in love with me, so... Not that I let that happen, no, not more than a few times. Well, erm... You know what, forget it. Spike is evil. Evil, evil, evil. Not thinking about him any more, at all. Nope. Completely out of my head. Yep. So not boning him any more."

"So, what, you fight, and snark at each other, and it turns more and more intense, until you can't wait for something else to happen?"

"Something like that, except then we would usually just go and fuck. Then the house would fall down around us, then I would tell him how much I hated him, then I would run off and flagellate myself for a while."

"Sounds a little dysfunctional."

"Pretty much. Of course, I *had* just come back from the dead. I wasn't exactly in the best mental shape."

"Hey, at least you were getting some. Shego and I just fight and exchange significant looks, then she bails before I can capture her. Then I go home and stare at my bedroom ceiling and think about all the sexual tension I have with my arch-foe. Although, she *is* really hot. Not that I ever think about that or anything while we're fighting."

"No, no, me either." The blonde seemed to be blushing as much as Kim was. "Not Spike, with those cheekbones, and that chest, and those abs..." She trailed off, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Shego always wears this catsuit. Green and black, in a harlequin pattern? You can't see anything. It does show off her ass, though. God, she has a great ass."

"I hear that."

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Yeah, this one was short, too. If you leave a review, you can tell me so.

**Disclaimer:**

* * *

I do not own anything Kim Possible or Buffy the Vampire Slayer related. You should know this.


	4. Boyfriend troubles

**Boyfriend troubles**

"And a Slayer's life really makes a love life complicated, you know." Buffy was still trying to dampen the kid's enthusiasm with reasons her life sucked. It didn't seem to be working. "I mean, my first real boyfriend was a vampire, but a *good* vampire, I mean, he has a soul now. Except when he doesn't." This last part Buffy muttered under her breath, but apparently not quietly enough.

"Except when he doesn't? How does that work?"

Shit. Well, you wanted to tell her how bad your life is. Here you go. "Angel. He was a really bad vampire, then, after he killed their family, some gypsies put a curse on him and gave him a soul, so he would always have to remember all the terrible things he did. The kicker? If he ever experienced a true moment of happiness, he'd lose it again."

"Why would he lose it? That doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't he just be evil again and come back for revenge?"

"I know, I know. I don't get it either. And yeah, he does get evil again. He becomes Angelus, the worst vampire anyone can remember and goes out and causes huge amounts of trouble until we can put his soul back in. Then he goes back to being Angel, and apologizes to everybody, and broods some more. He broods a lot."

"How do you put it back?"

"Magic, usually, and artifacts. It's a pain in the ass all around."

"So this happens a lot, huh?"

"Four or five times now, I think. I kind of lost track."

"So he has that many moments of true happiness?" Kim thought having a yo-yo soul like that was about the worst thing she could imagine. Being under the Moodulator was bad enough, she remembered with a shudder.

"No, that was just the one time. You'll like this story." Buffy was getting that grim and closed off look again, the one she had whenever the conversation got too close to one of the harder topics. Kim suspected she wasn't going to like this story at all.

"He was the first guy I fell in love with. I was 16 and he was 270. We should have figured it was never going to work, but we were in love and stupid. We'd spend hours cuddling and looking into each other's eyes, and kissing. It was like a fairy tale. Then finally, one night, we slept together. And it was magic. The happiest night of my life. And his too, that 'one moment of true happiness'. In the morning he looked down at me with those deep eyes like he loved me madly, and told me how cheap and slutty I was. Then he spent the next year and a half psychologically torturing me and all of my friends and family. In the end, I had to shove a sword through his chest and send him through a portal to Hell before he could open it all the way. The best part? My friend Willow - she's a witch - had managed to put his soul back just before I had to kill him. He spent 100 years suffering and came back insane for a while.

"Huh. I didn't think it was that easy to lose your soul."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. Moments of true happiness, magic, whatever. Some sorcerer or witch gets their hands on the right crystal or orb or whatever, bang, there it goes."

"So how do you catch it again?"

"Well, you need to put it in an Orb of Thingamajig before it gets away. And when you go to put it back in, you may have to work a bit before you get it in all the way. That sounded dirtier than I meant it to."

* * *

"So Kim, you probably have the guys all chasing you, right?"

Kim's face fell a little now. So, your life's not all perfect, is it? You can't get a boyfriend either?

"I only ever dated a couple of guys. One of them turned out to be a synthodrone."

"What's a synthodrone?"

"Kind of a superralistic robot."

"Robots. Feh. Spike once made a robot version of me, back when he first fell in love with me. He actually had it made so...you know what, we're so not having this conversation."

"Right. I really don't want to know."

"No you don't. So, no time for love, huh, with all the running around saving the world?

"Not really. I've only ever had one boyfriend. Ron. He's my best friend, ever since we were in pre-K. We were always just friends, then, at prom, there was kind of an incident, and afterwards we kissed, and then we were sort of more."

"This 'incident', I don't suppose it was something less annoying than wild dogs trained to attack people in formal wear, was it?", Buffy asked, not very hopefully.

"Synthodrones and giant attack robots, actually. Don't worry, Ron and I stopped them."

No, of course it was giant robots. What else would it have been? Have to save the space aliens for graduation, right? Buffy figured she should just give up now. "Right, of course you did. I guess you can do anything.", she managed to say without sounding too sarcastic.

"Well, I *did* have a spankin' high-tech battlesuit, with an energy shield and a bunch of other cool stuff. That helped a lot."

"Now, see, I should have a battlesuit. With an energy shield. That would definitely help with the slayage, you know?"

"Well, it was kinda more trouble than it was worth. It was still pretty experimental. It broke down a lot. And people kept stealing it."

"Still, it would sure help. I'd rather not have to die again."

"I bet Wade could make you something, or maybe the tweebs. I'll ask them about it." Kim had a thought. "Wait a minute. If you have all this magic, how come you can't make some kind of magical protection? Maybe you could ask your friend Willow?"

Buffy's face went very still at that. After a moment she shuddered slightly. "Magic is kind of a sore subject right now. Let's just say that wouldn't be a good idea."

* * *

"So, about Ron? Are you guys still together?" Buffy wanted to get this conversation back onto less uncomfortable subjects, although considering the rest of Kim's life, she and Ron were probably ridiculously happy.

Kim's happy smile faded a little. "No. We were together for a while, but there was never that real spark, you know? He's really nice, and sweet, and would do anything for me, but it was like we were still just best friends, except now we kissed sometimes. I think we had been friends for so long, neither of us could think of ourselves any differently."

Buffy could relate, a little. "Yeah, I sort of know what you mean. Xander and I have been good friends since I came to Sunnydale, and he had a crush on me for a long time, but I always saw him as a friend. Good, loyal, kinda goofy, but he'll jump into any danger to help someone. He usually gets his ass kicked, but he saves the day a lot more than people give him credit for. I'd hate to do something stupid and lose him as a friend."

"That sounds *exactly* like Ron. His pants fall down a lot, but half the time he winds up accidentally stopping the doomsday plan or destroying the giant laser or whatever. And that's not even counting the Mystical Monkey Power. Anyway, you'll be glad to know that we're still good friends. We had a long talk one day and realized we were both sort of going through the motions. Then we were right back where we'd always been."

"I can't even imagine doing that with any of my exes. We usually end - badly."

"I was so afraid that was what was going to happen. I kept putting it off and putting it off, and finally decided I had to tell him before he bought me a ring or something. Not that he'd ever think of that, being Ron, but I didn't want to take a chance and break his heart. It turned out he felt the same way, but wasn't ever going to say anything because I was so happy."

"Sounds like a great guy. Maybe you should introduce us." Buffy added that half-jokingly.

"I don't think you would be a good match." Kim shuddered a little at the thought of how awkweird that date would be. "Did I tell you how he can stuff an entire burrito into his mouth at one time? Plus, he'd probably pass out in fear if he ever saw a vampire. He has enough trouble with monkeys."

"Okay, you may be right. But still, you're really lucky you have a friend like that around."

"Yeah, I am. I don't know what I would do without him."

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**A/N:**

So, what do you think? Was this good? Bad? Mediocre? Why not leave a review to let me know?

Yeah, the business with Kim and Ron is strictly wishful thinking. Yes, I'm one of *those* people (you know, the ones who use *entirely* too many asterisks for emphasis). Have you seen my avatar?

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**Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything Kim Possible or Buffy the Vampire Slayer related. You should know this.


	5. A little relationship advice

**A little relationship advice**

"So, you and Shego, huh? Is she cute?"

"What? No! It's not like that. She's my enemy. And she's a girl." Kim said, a little hollowly, she thought.

"Hey, my best friend just discovered she was a lesbian a couple years ago. It's no big thing, once you get used to it."

"No! No, I mean, I just wonder. I mean, I just wish I knew what she wanted."

"Did somebody say 'Wish'?" A new woman appeared out of nowhere. This was weird. Then again, this was a weird town, even without the vampires.

"Anya, this is so not the time."

"Oh, come on. I need to make my quota, or D'Hoffryn will get on my ass again. So, you wish she would tell you what her intentions are, right?", the new woman, whose name was apparently Anya, asked, a little too eagerly.

"Look, Kim. Don't ever say 'I wish...'. It just never ends well. Especially with vengeance demons around."

"I go by 'justice demon' now. There's a difference."

"Whatever. If you make a wish in front of her, it'll come true, and you can fuck things up royally. Trust me, just don't say it."

"Sure. Um, is she a friend of yours?"

"Yeah, Xander's ex-fiance, Anya. Anya, Kim Possible. Kim, Anya."

"Nice to meet you. What does a vengeance demon do?"

"I would help women get revenge on guys who had wronged them. You know, tear out their spines or turn them into trolls or demons for cheating, that kind of thing."

"Sounds harsh. I guess your ex toed the line, huh?"

"No, he dumped me at the altar 5 minutes before our wedding. I still haven't forgiven him."

"Wow, that was incredibly stupid of him. So you didn't eviscerate him or anything?"

"No, for some reason. Don't think too closely about it."

"I guess not. So, what's the difference between a vengeance demon and a justice demon?"

"Not a lot, except now I get to branch out into general wish-granting. Anyway, you have guy problems? Girl problems? Need someone to pop the question? I can make that happen."

"Anya..."

"Oh, take the stick out of your ass, Buffy. Besides, I don't see you getting anything popped these days. I know sexual frustration when I smell it. Like right now, coming off of everybody at this table."

"Anya, look. Kim just has a..." "Complicated", Kim provided. "Complicated situation with her female nemesis, and she would like to resolve it."

"Right, lots of subtext, lots of moves that could be all 'I want to kick your ass' or 'I want to jump your bones'? Yeah, Buffy's been there and done that, so to speak. You don't want to ask her advice, though, unless you just want to fuck him in secret and pretend it isn't happening and not tell any of your friends about it and then get unreasonably pissed off when I have one drunken night with him when we were both technically single anyway."

Buffy was gripping the edge of the table pretty hard, Kim noticed. She seemed to be leaving deep indentations in it. Perhaps Kim should change the subject.

"Actually, you're kinda right on the money there, except she's a girl. Shego. Green skin, shoots plasma from her hands. Evil but technically reformed. Anyway, yeah. We've been doing this fight-snark-fight-flirt-and-run-away thing for years now, and I'm getting really tired of it."

"And you wish she would tell you if she liked you or not." This Anya person was awfully persistent with the wish thing, wasn't she?

"I just w...would like to know." Kim chose her words carefully. "I would just like to know what she wants. Are we enemies or what? I mean..." What did Kim mean? Did she want Shego to tell her "Hey, Princess, we're just enemies and I'm trying to kill you", or "Hey, Kimmie, let's be friends", or what? Kim shouldn't be getting so flustered over the answer to a simple question.

"Look, you obviously have the hots for her. Why don't you just tell her how you feel and get it over with?"

"Huh? What, you mean just go up to her in the middle of a fight and kiss her or something?"

"Yes, exactly. She'll either punch you or kiss you back."

"Or both", Buffy put in.

"Right. And then you'll have your answer."

"..."

"Uh, Anya? I think you broke her."

"You may be right. She looks a little catatonic. Should she really be blushing that much? There can't be any blood left for her brain."

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**A/N:**

Well, that's that. There just seemed to be so many similarities between these two shows, even if one was the Disney version and one was the Joss Whedon version. It made me think of this.

What did you think? Did you like it, or did I waste my time and yours? Leave me a review and let me know.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything Kim Possible or Buffy the Vampire Slayer related. You should know this.


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